Saturday, December 31, 2005
Here am i 3am in the morning, talking about relationships with trudi. trudi is very wise. she says relationships depend on how it started and how you handle it.
I think it all depends on compatibility. no matter how lousy your personality is, or how unintelligent your way of handling your relationship is.... it will be good as long as the other party accepts you the way you are. i often find myself thinking oh man this kinda 'lan ren' (lousy person) also got people want ah. of cos got.
I'm always trying to be myself. but i'm finding it increasingly difficult not to act in the way that could be more favourable. the moment my actions betray my emotions, i feel guilty that i'm not presenting the real me and you'll never know and like who i really am. but on the other hand, i'd rather you adore the pretended jinling than to dislike the real her.
*music plays who is that girl i see staring straight back at me... why is my reflection someone i don't knowwwwwwww
Anyway, as we were saying... relationships are so chim. the last statement i made to tru was 'i shall not be too emotionally dependent on him', before she *poofed behind her screen. i think i'm being too careful in not to make the same mistakes i've made before. i worry and agonise myself all the time. it's so difficult. at one time i decided that i'll not have any expectations of the relationship at all in case i'll get disappointed... is that correct? but what's a serious relationship without expectations?
A mysterious friend of mine complains about every single aspect of her boyfriend's life. she gets lonely and pissed when he doesn't reply her smses within a minute's time.
That's the last thing i want to happen to me.
Tru remains disappeared. where are you??? i shall go sleep first.
dara left a footprint @
1:57 AM
v(*^-^*)v
Friday, December 30, 2005
I'm a bad girl. i promised myself that i'll blog soon. but im just a lousy procrastinator. boohoo. it's not that i have nothing to blog about. i do have lots but i'm just LAZY. i'm a slug. i've got so many photos to upload now!! maybe someday i'll upload alllllll at one time and flood this blog with photos. waha.
So without any photos, i wanna mention about respect today. i suddenly thought of this person, or some persons, whom i've treated with respect in circumstances that him/her did not do so. and when i look back and ask myself why, i thought that maybe i contained such high fancy for that person that i would treat him/her well regardless. but maybe more often than not, i was just reluctant to create even more unpleasant feelings between us. maybe someday she/she/they will come to repent... and regret how shabbily he/she/they have been treating me and all of us will live happily ever after. how lovely it would be.
Just a few days ago i was waiting for tru at orchard mrt station and most people would know that it's a very unpleasant place to hang around, unless if you are lonely and like to get hounded by credit card promoters or donation seekers or people who pretend to be discovering pretty faces. i was approached by a decently dressed man after 10 seconds of waiting and it went like this:
" Hi are you waiting for someone? i'm from [insert charity organisation's name]. we are blessed with good health and good looks like you. but how would you feel if you are poor and left alone? sad right? i know you are a kind person. [insert charity organisation] helps [insert receivee] who are [inserts dire situations]. your kind contribution of $10 will help them in a lot of ways. "
Then pause. guy suddenly looked at me. i think i was supposed to respond at this point of time. so i said:
" sorry i'm not interested. "
Then guy gave me a super dramatic "why?!?!" as though the survival of the entire organisation depends on my $10. what do you mean WHY?!?!? i've done my part in paying attention to your little speech which definitely did not impress me. obviously if i 'contributed' $10 to any tom's harry dick i'd be better off in one of their 'organisations'. i can't be bothered to talk any further. Forever21 was beckoning me.
" erm i'm not interested." without looking a wee bit guilty.
The pathetic pest threw a :" oh so you're not interested in helping people. ok." and turned 90 degrees around immediately to walk away. how about " thanks for listening?" the sacarsm in his voice! the abruptness in his turn! i could swear that he earns his dough in doing this.
I was supposed to talk about respect but here's a side track...
Signs that a guy is working part/full-time seeking cash donations:
1) makes you feel bad about not contributing, as though you don't have a heart. you feel pressured to donate. i can never forget the time when a lady read out her whole truckload of memorised crap, asked jianning for her name, wrote down '$10' beside it and expect her to pay up.
2) gets pissed/belittles you when you finally decide not to contribute.
3) no sincerity in explaining and publicising for the charity organisation as focus is to make you feel like a villian.
Of cos, not saying that everyone who earns commission doing this are like that. and also not implying that this system of paying you accordingly to the amount of donations you manage to raise, is wrong. afterall charitable organisations are indeed allowed a small proportion of operational cost.
But i simply cannot stand people who do not have a little RESPECT towards the organistion that they work for. all you care about is the commission right? best is to force more people to donate so that you can earn more money right? it's for charity (who cares what it does) so you better donate or you'll burn in hell.
Very unpleasant experiences.
I guess cash donations is the easiest way out for people who wants to 'do some good'. ji dian de. to counter the usual 'naughty' things they've done in life. and nowadays you'll encounter increasingly more chances of your easy way out. but it's so meaningless.
I didn't feel a least bit guilty at all when that miserable guy in the mrt station, hateful of those who refused to 'help others', played me down. i'm not a dumb sucker.
dara left a footprint @
12:52 AM
v(*^-^*)v
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry merry merry merry christmas!
Apologies for not blogging for sucha long time. heehee... due to the lack of time of effort of energy and of brains. but here's a merry christmas to one and all! had a fabulous christmas this year... went for volunteering at NUH, caroling, had the bestest christmas eve, christmas gathering with relatives, get together with 13/03 etc... and block party coming up. whew! luckily got no homework this time.
Aiya my arm very tired now tomorrow then blog lah haha... merry christmas! muacks
dara left a footprint @
11:00 PM
v(*^-^*)v
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Look! this is the first ever pair of earrings that i designed and made myself. muahaha. so colourful. thought it looks like a toy. workmanship is poor i admit. eh but whaddya expect. my virgin hand-made earrings ok. dun praypray.
=D
dara left a footprint @
10:04 PM
v(*^-^*)v
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Here's a list of what my dream guy should be like.
1) at least 1.7m of height
2) big soulful eyes
3) tender lips
4) good build
5) broad chest
6) dark skin
7) cute dimple
8) cute
9) clean short hair
10) clean
11) relatively good complexion with no breakouts too visible
12) intelligent
13) knowledgable
14) tough
15) brave
16) sensitive
17) sweet
18) filial
19) helpful
20) reads a lot
21) sings mai-a-hi along with me
22) buys things like creative zen for me
23) watches whatever movie i wanna watch
24) feeds me with lotsa good food
25) listens to me bitch
26) smells like a wild boar
27) has jumped out of a plane (with a parachute of course)
28) controls a whole damn plane
29) has definite goals in life
30) extremely huggable
Opps. too much details. very difficult to fit all of the above requirements already. but if never fit all 30 i don't want ok. if you think you fit the bill please drop me a call for a date right now. (it doesn't matter if you resemble a malay. wahahhahah. ahem. sorry, internal joke.)
dara left a footprint @
11:22 PM
v(*^-^*)v
Sometimes, i find that i've got a problem with telling people the difficulties i'm facing with them straight in their faces. mainly because i don't want to be seen as a person full of issues and difficult to please. well maybe i AM difficult to please. but that'll not be something i'm proud to show. i think i'm just spoilt.
I shall just go there by the corner and sulk alone.
dara left a footprint @
3:00 PM
v(*^-^*)v
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Ok everybody come chant with me.
What Is Wrong With Me???
Seriously What Is Wrong With Me? i have a nagging feeling that something is wrong with me but i can't exactly point out what. i don't feel right in everything i do. maybe's just pms. yup must be. i should stop pondering on this issue excessively before it gets out of hand. but What Is Wrong With Me has become an interesting trivia question to bra and jian.
¤\[¤ says:
wats wrong with u?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
i dunno
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
thats y im asking
¤\[¤ says:
as in
¤\[¤ says:
wat evoked the qn
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
oh cos i feel there's sth wrong
¤\[¤ says:
with?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
me?
¤\[¤ says:
as in
¤\[¤ says:
physically?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
i dunno
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
what is wrong with me?
¤\[¤ says:
erm...the fact tat u're asking a qn liddat when theres nothing wrong?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
hmmm no thats not What Is Wrong With Me
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
try again
¤\[¤ says:
hmm
¤\[¤ says:
u are in love?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
no thats not What Is Wrong With Me
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
u have one more chance
¤\[¤ says:
erm...u are hungry?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
orh... maybe
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
its late alr i shld b hungry
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
but i ate chips juz now
¤\[¤ says:
hmmm
¤\[¤ says:
so...
¤\[¤ says:
does tat mean im correcT?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
erm
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
no
¤\[¤ says:
oh...
¤\[¤ says:
darn
¤\[¤ says:
so...
¤\[¤ says:
wats wrong with u?
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
oh...
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
What Is Wrong With Me
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
i dunno
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
arent u supposed 2 guess?
¤\[¤ says:
hmmm
¤\[¤ says:
but i ran out of chances...
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
oh ya
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
u lose
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
gua gua gua
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
wads wrong wif u
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
oh i dunno
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
thats y im asking
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
haha
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
i noe!
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
what?
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
dun tell u
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
oh no u muz tell
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
quick tell
You have just sent a Nudge!
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
haha
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
u miss me
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
i miss u n that's What Is Wrong With Me??
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
then u keep thinking of me lor
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
ya thats wrong
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
then u cha fan bu si
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
dat is wrong wif u
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
oh so What Is Wrong With Me is tt i cha fan bu si
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
not cos i miss u
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
its linked
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
but i eat a lot of fan although i nv drink cha
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
u're wrong
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
try again
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
half correct
{LingS} ~ what is wrong with me says:
bu suan
..+*b3nEa+h +He Pae MoOni9Ht*+.. sOmE tHiNgS need not bE uNdErStOoD.. some reasons nEeD nOt be explained.. says:
suan le
Wish you were here with me right now.
dara left a footprint @
11:35 PM
v(*^-^*)v
Saturday, December 03, 2005
I realise i'm still a pessimist. i'm still the person lacking of confidence a year ago. bleh.
dara left a footprint @
11:35 PM
v(*^-^*)v
Thursday, December 01, 2005
I often have extremely queer dreams which could still be deeply etched to my memory long after i've woken up. dreams which i constantly question their significance, or lack of.
Like more than a year ago i dreamt of bra dying in an accident. and saw don drowning in a newspaper.(?) or the time i was left alone in an ice-skating rink. and my primary school on fire.till now i could still recount the dreams and even draw out an image. when i was young i often dreamt of myself running away from a bad guy.
Last night i had this reeeeally weird dream. but i could only remember bits and pieces of it. i dreamt that my mum could drive, and she drove me all the way to hall where i had to cook my own food. and the only kinda food available were mushrooms. then change scene, i'm in ntu and i saw jian sok laoda and lotsa ntu people. i was hanging around in their hostel rooms. somehow i became some sorta super athlete who could cross the length of an entire standard track with just 2 large strides.
Then came the most vivid part. i was very ill and only had a few days to live, while he was still away. the day which i somehow was supposed to die was the day that he's supposed to come home. i got so afraid that i wouldn't be able so see him before i die. i was really scared. it felt so real. i realised i am so not ready to die yet. i wasn't willing to give up all that i hold so dear in the world... it was a dreary kinda feeling... and reluctance...
That was exactly how i felt when come to know about my pending death.
I saw him come back afterall... he never knew that i was ill, and i got snubbed. it was the most horrible feeling in the world...........
And i woke up before i 'died'.
That was a truly terribly terrifying dream.
dara left a footprint @
11:44 PM
v(*^-^*)v
