Thursday, January 05, 2006
A friend blogged that singlehood ain't easy, it's tough. and the decision leading to it is tougher.
I personally didn't think that singlehood is tough at all. unless if you've become so used to attachedhood. but the decision leading to it sure is. not that i've experienced it before. but i could imagine. if you think it's tough, you must still love her. the decision to leave someone whom you love must be painful.
I used to feel terribly resentful. i hadn't thought of it for ages until tru reminded me again. my resentment.
I didn't understand why i didn't understand how. there wasn't any reasonable explanation. there were problems. loads of it apparently, which i knew nothing about. i felt incredibly foolish. i felt he was even more foolish. it was a silly affair. both of us were young and immature and we knew nothing about love. not to mention how to maintain a relationship.
More than a year has passed. i wouldn't say i've attained a high level of maturity but i've certainly grown wiser. it was long before i was ready to step into another relationship. undoubtedly still terrified. but i was no longer the naive little girl who thinks love is fluffy pink clouds amongst the blue sky. no longer shallow and short-sighted. (i hope. =P)
I'm beginning to understand more reasons. how you'd keep problems to yourself so as not to burden the other party. how you'd want to keep her happy in expense of your own happiness. and to that my resentment weaned. i was wrong i was foolish i was wilful i was childish i'm sorry.
But even more i hope that i can do better this time. =)
I hate feeling resentful. it felt ugly. it makes you forget the good times and dwell on the bad. over the year i had tried to disregard it but it's so hard. i'm still ugly, although not as much as before.
To a little miss pretty, kai xing jiu hao! haha... must pride yourself for having so many good friends. next time you pass by kent ridge hall don't need to miss me! can come up and look for me haha i also very lonely sometimes. if you not happy can always go and talk to 'books' (ahem) haha!
dara left a footprint @
12:32 AM
v(*^-^*)v
